Who does jail really punish/hurt? Your loved ones, the ones who depend on you. What is a year here really supposed to do? What does 2, 3, 4, 10 years really do? 99% of the guys in here with me have already served 5+ years at least one time. My cellmate is 62, one of the original Aryan Brotherhood members, he even made the cover of Johnny Cash’s original album when he performed at that prison. His last term was 15 years for a murder. That was when he was like 20 and he’s never been out of jail for longer than 2 consecutive years since then. He gets released in a week. Now society is stuck with a 62 year old man who has never had a job in his life. He’s finally ready to go “straight” but what are his odds, really?
Anyway, I’m getting off track, back to my year here. I’m fine, just really bored. I’m young and healthy, I can bounce back. What is killing me is the strain on my loved ones. What did they do wrong other than love a flawed man? My wife is forced to struggle in a new country where she only has my friends. She can’t work legally yet so money is very tight. My best friends are stuck taking care of all of my mess. I love them dearly for it, but it shouldn’t be their burden. Then my best buddies also have to plan a gym opening… one soldier short. It makes me feel like a fucking dirtbag! I want to spend the countless hours cleaning, building, organizing. I don’t want to get out of jail and walk into an up and running business as an equal partner. Fuck! One day I have to find a VERY special way to re-pay them.
Also, I owe so much to my wife for putting her through all this B.S. Even my grandfather is worrying like crazy about this. I don’t want his last years spent worrying about my bullshit. I can take ANYTHING that could possibly be dished out to me… but I HATE feeling this helpless, gross feeling in my stomach. Knowing that my loved ones are going through this. Sometimes I wish there was no one who cared… no one to let down. It’d be so much easier. But maybe the same network of support that causes me pain is what will ultimately end up saving me… Without them I’d never change – shit, I really honestly never thought anything was wrong with me. But I am obviously incorrect. If nothing was wrong with me then I wouldn’t be causing pain to my loved ones, but I am. No matter how lame I think certain laws are I NEED to abide by them… if not for my sake then for the sake of those who depend on me. I would never intentionally hurt my loved ones in any other way, so why this way!? It’s unacceptable.
Maybe this “network of support” that gets hurt so badly when someone is in custody, is what makes the difference between those who go to jail once and learn their lesson and those who never learn…? To Zsanett, “The Circle” and their families, Papa, Matt T., the Bazans, Undisputed, K.R., T-Rex, @JRGomez, and my loyal fans, my future is for YOU.
2010 30 Sep
Would you be shocked if I said that War Machine appears to be maturing while in prison? His latest Twitter installment is somewhat insightful. Well, insightful for War Machine at least. It looks like Mr. Machine went in to jail a boy, but may be coming out a man. Our boy’s growing up right before our very eyes.
Published under Uncategorized | send this post